Tag Archives: the Gods

Why I Am Not A Christian

Posted on by myownashram

Reflections on Bertrand Russell’s speech from 1927. (Read the essay online here.)

This is the only essay of his I’ve read. I recommend it. It’s short, amusing and to the point. Many of the arguments he raises are still being raised by those in the New Atheism movement. I want to use this post to talk very briefly about Russell’s essay, even more briefly about the New Atheism movement, and about why I, Niki, am not a Christian.

We begin with Russell’s essay. It’s hard to deny most of his points: that many of the arguments made for Christianity just don’t hold water. Morally, the world will not fall apart if we’re not Christian. Plenty of moral people exist in other religions and no religion at all. No one can prove the existence of God in any scientific way. The argument from design is not compelling. Christ is a fascinating character, but equally problematic. I love the discussion of the fig tree story in the New Testament – Jesus passes by a fig tree, it isn’t bearing fruit and Jesus is hungry, Jesus angrily curses the fig tree to never ever bear fruit. Dude, what did that fig tree ever do to you? Jesus could stand to work on some anger management issues.

Like the ‘New Atheists’, Russell believes that only science is the way forward; science, along with “knowledge, kindness and courage.” I can support these things, and I think most people of faith can too. As great as the essay is I find that he raises up intelligence as a sort of God-like entity. And this is one of my main critiques of the New Atheism: that science becomes godlike. It is raised above all things. Our intelligence is trusted as the single most guide. I love science but it is a tool, not a god, not the end all and be all of wisdom.

Another of my issues with New Atheism is that science and religion (or faith, because often people of no particular organized ideology get thrown into the cart here) are not incompatible. There often is conflict between the two, but science and religion are not inherently opposed, nor is it a zero sum game where only one can stand victorious.

I have read some essays by the handful of (privileged, white, male) New Atheist writers, but I have not read their books. I do not want to as I find their tone smug and belittling. And yes, there has been legitimate critique of the movement as anti-feminist (this Ms blog post on the topic is a great place to start). I find that the writers in this movement are as closed-minded as the people the critique.

One of my biggest concerns is that many of the arguments laid against belief by atheists are actually quite specific to the Abrahamic faiths. Many of the things they don’t agree with or like are things I don’t agree with or like! When the average atheist is talking about why they don’t like God, I have to ask them which God. The Judeo-Christian monotheistic idea of and personality attributed to God is usually discussed as if it is the only one. I don’t believe in that God either. Millions and millions of people don’t believe in that God. So we all have something in common there.

I don’t want to spend too much more time on New Atheism. It’s been a few years since I followed the movement with any regularity; I’m sure I’m out of touch already on the subject. I will stand with them in support for a secular government and public arena, but I don’t support a religion-free world. I’m a big fan of religion. I like it. And there that is.

As for why I am not a Christian, the simplest answer is this: it isn’t my story. I’ve said that before, but it feels more and more true with each passing day. There is much I love about the Christian story: the Annunciation, the Resurrection, even the story of the Crucifixion. Jesus is a great and divine person. I support the social justice aspects of the Christian message. But Yahweh is not my god. I don’t believe that Yahweh is the Great Ground of Being, who created the whole universe. I do not want to bad mouth a god, from a spiritual point of view, nor do I want to bad mouth anyone else’s god, so I’ll stop there. While I love and respect the Jewish tradition, I do not see how the god of one group of people could be the god of all. I do not see how there could be now or have been then a Chosen People. How could one tiny tribe be chosen among all the tribes in the world? It doesn’t make sense intellectually, nor from a position of faith. I fully believe that Yahweh chose the Jewish people – but that is their story, not mine. I cannot be a Christian because so much of the Christian story and symbolism is dependent on Jewish symbols and stories.

I want to pause here and admit that I fear talking about the above because I am afraid people will assume I am anti-Semitic. I reject Yahweh, but I see that from a monotheist view-point it could be construed that I reject God entirely or people who believe in Yahweh. From a polytheist view-point, which is how I see the world now, I don’t reject God, just that specific god as mine, as the One God.

There are many other intellectual reasons for my moving away from the Christian faith – issues with politics, the roles of and beliefs about women, the body and sex, systematic examples of hypocrisy and domination of the weak and vulnerable by those in power. We can pick up any newspaper and find numerous reasons why the Christian tradition leaves a lot to be desired. But I know that those things are not the entirety of the Christian tradition. There are many beautiful and helpful parts too.

What it comes down to is personal experience. I am not a Christian because my deepest spiritual experiences have never been in church or with or about Jesus. My deepest spiritual experiences were in the wilderness, alone in prayer, or in decidedly pagan space.

It’s taken me a long time to let go of the Christian label. I wanted to fit in. I wanted all that was best about it, but I found that I couldn’t reconcile all the pieces. I have a great love in my heart for the tradition, as I do for the Jewish tradition. I still cannot read or watch people like Pat Robertson or Rick Santorum because their views hurt my heart. Physically, it hurts me to see their distortions of something I find meaningful and beautiful at its best.

But when we get down to the core of who I am, I am not a Christian. And there that is.

 

New home, new altars

Posted on by myownashram

Last night’s full moon was the kick in the pants I needed to get all my altars set up! We’ve got all the furniture we’re getting for a while. We’re Officially Moved In to our new home. I decided that I would use the full moon and all the energy from the solar flares – plus I had had a FULL NIGHT’S SLEEP (first one in over a year) – and bless all the altars.

Family altar

This is our family altar. In the passage between the living and dining rooms there is this curved space, where the phone box used to be. I’ve turned it into our house hold altar. The Virgin Mary stands on the left in several forms: pretty prayer card for La Virgin de Guadalupe (patron saint of North America), glow in the dark plastic form, and icon of the Theotokos. I may not be a Christian anymore, but it is her love and guidance that kept me in that tradition for as long as I was and she opened opportunities for me. I am grateful to her and she will ever have a place in my home.

Next is a white ramekin for offerings. I hope to replace this with a nice offering plate, once I find one. We then have a statue of Ganesh, patron saint/god of our family. This was my son’s statue and he offered to the family.

On the far right is the picture of my name-sake and grandmother. I have a little ancestor section in my main altar case, but I felt that family ought to be together! So she is out with us. My son says good morning to her sometimes. But mostly wants to know why and how she died (in a car accident in 1954).

Ganesh on my desk

 

Moving into my office, we have a picture of a corner of my desk. Ganesh did not want to be put in the case. He’s very clear about where he wants to be. This photo is from this morning. I’m burning some sandalwood incense. Around him is a ceramic heart my son made in preschool, a penny for the first offering (I need a plate), and a vial of perfume. The green candle is one I burn while I write and I have the owl standing guard there too.

 

 

Mary's spot on my personal altar

Here we have Mary’s place on the top left of my altar case. Icons and pictures of icons. The triptych up on the wall is the Nativity, Mary with Child, and the Resurrection. Photos on the cabinet that you can’t see are of a statue of Mary at Shrine of St Therese in Juneau Alaska. I have a beautiful wooden rosary, given to me by a friend in Ireland years ago. A bottle of perfume for the Virgin (smells like lilies!), and some rocks that I’ve mentioned before. The flower is fake – let us not speak of it.

 

Mary at the Shrine of St Therese

Finally, we have the body of my main altar case. This is what I see when I sit down. I burn candles in front of it, so I don’t burn the house down. The whole thing is very unfinished. I realize I got rid of so many items when we moved, that I have to start over. Oh darn, I have to hunt for new altar items.

Main altar case

The top shelf has peacock feathers. The middle shelf has some ancestor and Might Dead items. The middle has a picture of Kali, offerings of a fresh clementine and a shot of port. The right side has pictures of the Queen of the Night (ancient Iraqi relief) and Saraswati. Below are books, a wand I never use (I bought it in Scotland, it’s beautiful), my cup and a singing bowl.

What is a witch?

Posted on by myownashram

For about a thousand years the witch has been drawn as an ugly, old woman, in league with the devil, living on the outskirts of a village, waiting to take advantage of the virtuous and/or small children. She flies on her broomstick and gathers with others under the full moon to do terrible rituals. Later, she acquired an outfit of black and a pointy hat. The Halloween stereotypes we associate with witches are not new; they are deeply embedded in the Western mythos.

None of these things are ‘true.’ Many of the images of the witch come from Roman Catholic Inquisition records (not likely to be trust worthy sources). The women (and a few men) were mostly on the outskirts of society and easily disposed of. Some of the elements are based on actual things witches did; all stereotypes are based on some element of truth. But this post isn’t about the historical image of the witch, although, that is a fascinating subject. That topic is the macro-social lens. Assuming we think witches are real and are not cartoon characters, what is a witch on a micro-personal level?

I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately. Two very wise women have written on this topic, Ms Lawless at The Witch of Forest Grove and Ms Kunning at Witch Mom. I recommend their posts. I’ve decided to throw my thoughts into the mix as well.

I agree with both of the above writers that a witch is essentially the European equivalent of a shaman. A witch isn’t someone who just wants the label. A witch isn’t someone who casts a circle or picks herbs or reads tarot. I do all of those things and I’m not a witch. (Nor is a witch some one who wears all black or freaks people out – I do those too sometimes.) A witch is a label for someone who has mastered a set of skills and has established communication with the Gods and/or the Dead. I think the second half of that job description is the most important!

The Witches Sabbath, Luis Ricardo Falero

And now for the crazy talk.

I believe I am called, in some way, by something. Called by which gods, I have yet to figure out. Called to what, specifically, that too I am unsure of, but called… yes. For several years a couple of people have jokingly poked me, telling me that I need to start my own religion or church (is my own ashram not enough?!). I don’t think they mean that literally, instead they are focusing on the ministerial qualities that I possess. But minister to whom? In what context? I am working out my path, untangling it from the Christian strictures that bound me and my understanding for so long. I believe that the mountains and waterways and forests of SE Alaska nurtured me and sent me forth. To what and to whom I still don’t know. This project is helping me unravel my past tapestry and weave together something new.

I’m not sure if I’m called to be a witch; I’m certainly not one now, even though I have some of the skills. I want to learn though. Even if I never become a Witch, with a capital W, the skills developed along the way are priceless: storytelling; ministering; listening: within and without; observing: self, others, nature, animals; healing; spell craft; performing ritual; music in forms of song and chant and drumming; herbal, plant, and animal lore; astronomy…. the list could go on and on. But, while I might be guided, shown better techniques, even have my hand-held, in the end only I can receive the Gods and communicate with them – or I can’t.

Witch, studying

I wonder sometimes if my entire discourse around the gods isn’t overly influenced with a pseudo-democracy imported from a Protestant Christianity. Shouldn’t we all have equal access to the Gods? Hierarchy is bad. Shouldn’t we all have a ‘personal relationship’ with a god? I’m not sure we do all have a personal relationship with our gods, nor am I convinced it’s even necessary. I know that I crave that – I crave that. I’ve always been weird this way. The mystic in me wants nothing more than to reach out (or reach within) and touch Something Greater. But I question this desire now. Is this a hold-over from my days within Christianity? Is this a manifestation of feeling unworthy, that I might need to be spiritual justified by something external?

Those are important questions. But they’re not as important to me as the realization that the gods are real. If they choose to choose me or speak to me, then I am willing. If they choose not too, then I’m going to keep on doing what I’m doing for fruits of my labors is proof enough that my work is worthwhile.

I believe that I am honing my vessel with the work. This work is choppy, stop-start, stop-start. I can’t imagine that it could be any other way as a parent of such young children. Once this project comes to completion next year (yeah, right) I have thought about pursuing a teacher and/or a guru. ‘When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.’ Perhaps also when the witch is ready, the Gods will appear.

Perhaps: a post about the gods

Posted on by myownashram

Most witches and pagans are polytheists – or agnostic to greater or lesser extents. I’ve yet to meet anyone who calls hirself a pagan that is monotheistic, at least not in the way that anyone of the Abrahamic faiths would recognize. Plenty of people I know have patron deities or are henotheistic (honoring one god to the exclusion of the rest, yet acknowledging that other gods do exist). For a while I thought I tipped into the polytheistic non-dual (a description I first heard from T Thorn Coyle). In my mind that was a radical interpretation of monotheism, but I may have trying too hard to keep with in a Christian framework. A few nights ago a passing two sentences in a Feri initiate’s private blog got me thinking: what if the gods aren’t Gods? What if the gods are just little g gods? A form of entities different to us, bigger than us, but subject to their own forces and to the Ultimate Ground of Being, much like we are?

Victor Anderson said ‘God is Self and Self is God and God is a person like myself.’ That always rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t make any sense in my theological understanding. I can talk endlessly about the potential of divinization of the human person. I believe, firmly and utterly, in the inherent goodness, fullness, and dignity of the core of humanity and all of creation. I believe that humanity carries the spark of the Divine within, the breath of Life is present in each breath we take. ‘God is Self and Self is God.’ I believe this was part of what Jesus Christ was trying to teach us; I think this is what Tantric Hinduism is getting at. We are not separate. The Holy Mother who is the Ground of Being, that from which all of creation came and to whom everything, everyone returns, is our Creator. We are part and parcel of the wider whole. Recognizing this – knowing it in all our parts – is the goal of enlightenment and is liberation.

I may know this key to enlightenment with my brainy bits, but I certainly haven’t grasped it in my entirety. I’m not sure I can and still parent small children. I’m not sure I could handle the depths of compassion that embracing the Entirety of All would require. Hell, I still pat myself on the back when I laugh at my 3-year-old accidentally dumping a half-gallon of milk all over the floor, rather than swear and yell and grumble. I’m not sure I’m ready to embrace the power that being in concert with the G/gods would take. Baby steps, right?

So if we are not separate from the Ultimate One, then what’s all this talk about gods – plural? What’s with polytheism?

When I read the Iliad in school we discussed ancient Greek culture and talked about the gods. This was filed away under Mythology and Primitive Belief and we assumed that no one really believed in them then, nor does anyone now. From the generic Judeo-Christian point of view, who would dare believe in gods that were just as petty and ridiculous as us ‘mere’ humans. If those Greek gods were real then I thought the stories were demeaning, indeed. But I think I get it now. The gods are like us, only they are not of our material. Whether you want to think that the gods exist in a different parallel universe (like in the movie Thor, where they say that their world is different enough from ours that we think them gods) or maybe you like the idea that maybe they exist at a different frequency that we just can’t readily perceive (like how certain insects see colors we don’t), the issue is one of perception and understanding, not one of reality.

Until I moved to Wales I felt pretty agnostic about the gods. Were they just symbols? Projections of our best selves? Archetypes? How could all these different families be simultaneously real? I mean, the Greeks, Norse, Yoruba, and Celtic pantheons seem to have some overlap, but also seem to be their own coherent systems. How could they all be true? I’ve since learned that the Gods are real. I liken this experience to learning to kiss (or have sex). When I was a pre-teen and had my first kiss, I remember thinking, ‘THIS is what the big deal is about??’ A few years later I kissed some one else and discovered, oh my, yes, that is exactly what the big deal is all about. The same thing happened with ritual and the gods. Sure, I’d been to ritual – I’d even had a great time and quite enjoyed myself! But then, I circled with two other witches in Wales, on a dark, damp Welsh night and oh my. I discovered that the Gods are real. The Arddu showed up, swept through the front door and front hall and into the living room. He looked around, smiled amusedly, and went on his way. That experience has changed me. It wasn’t intimate. He didn’t pass along any knowledge. There was no exchange of pleasantries. But it was a moment where we met and I realized that this witchcraft stuff is not some figment of an overactive imagination. It’s the doorway to a new way of interacting with the world. The gods are real.

If the gods are people like myself, then the another of the Anderson’s sayings is crucially important: never submit your life force to anyone or anything. This is not saying always be strong, always dominate. This is not some kind of Ayn Rand power trip. This is about maintaining one’s dignity and integrity, one’s sense of Self. There are as many ways to submit one’s life force as there are people and combinations of people. Choosing to serve others is not submission. Even submission in a BDSM context is not necessarily submission in this context. Feri admonishes us not to bow down before the gods. This may seem the height of arrogance to those from other religions. I admit, it felt that way to me too for a long time. We honor the gods, we do not worship. It’s like the technical hair-splitting the Roman Catholics do with the Virgin Mary – hyperdulia (excess veneration) vs latria (adoration, reserved for the Holy Trinity). We can split hairs here too. Am I only honoring the gods? Might there be some adoration in there too? I think the human heart is messy and doesn’t split these hairs as cleanly as our minds would have us do.

Many grimoires and wise, experienced witches and magicians caution us not to worship, follow or even get friendly with just any spiritual being that introduces itself. If the spirit world is made up of a variety of things that are just on the edges of our perception, and if those things are not God Hirself, and if they are like us in any respect at all, then it behooves us to get to know any entity before we offer our allegiance and loyalty – just as we do in ‘real life.’ We do not submit our life force to anything or anyone. We insist on equality, respect, mutual trust and mutual loyalty.

If the different pantheons are different families or nations, like we humans are, what does this mean for syncretism or for finding ‘our gods’ in a relatively godless world? I don’t accept that Yahweh is The God. After years of biblical studies, on devotional and academic levels, I think Yahweh is just a patriarch in his own divine family. In all the years I spent trying to be a Christian, Yahweh never spoke to me, nor did Jesus. I felt a deep connection with something Big, but it never, ever seemed to line up with Yahweh. I never heard much from Jesus either. Listening to that still, small voice has obviously led me away from the Church. Perhaps those guys just aren’t my clan. Coming from a Judeo-Christian culture, but a secular family, I don’t know who my clan is. I’m definitely seeking them out. I read, I think, I meditate, I ask. I think some gods are particular to place. Who will appear when I move to Olympia? Will Ana and Arddu follow me there? Ganesha has made himself right at home with us and he is not ‘of’ Wales. Can a person have a Hindu god as a patron ‘saint’ of the family and still look to Old World European gods?

Changing my thinking about the gods from Big G gods to familial, clan gods has opened up my mind to so many new possibilities. All of a sudden pantheons make much more sense to me. It even helps make sense of Christianity. The gods are people like ourselves: messy, inter-related, powerful, limited, individual, cruel and kind, evolving in this world, all held under the hand of That Which Is. I think ‘polytheistic non-dual’ might still be the best way to sum up my theology at this time. Who knows what I’ll be thinking in a year’s time. Stay tuned.